Things they don't tell you when you become a parent

I spent yesterday evening creating an Easter bonnet for the 2 year old's Easter Parade next Thursday. Photographic evidence will follow next week. However, this got me thinking - when I signed on the dotted line for parenthood, at no point did anyone say that I'd have to become a master craftsman as well. A bit like the dodgily-shaped Easter eggs I was sticking on to the hastily constructed hat at 11.30 last night - I'm simply not cut out for this part of the job.

It made me wonder - what else did nobody say would be an integral part of the day job as a parent? Here are a few I have come up with. I'm sure there are more.

1. You will always need to know the answer to "why?"
2. You will never be able to find pen and paper, as the children will always be using them for the latest project (currently school registers in this house).
3. Little boys are like most big boys: no aim.
4. Children will often forget their manners. They never forget the once they heard you swear.
5. The equipment needed and the mess generated is in inverse proportion to the size of the child (see picture below for details).
6. You can take a child to water but you can't make him drink. Pop, on the other hand.....
7. If they're awake and it goes quiet: be afraid, be very afraid.
8. Even the least competitive parent will find themself stifling the urge to ask how all the other children in the class are doing. (I have successfully stifled so far but it's come close a few times).
9. Just because the school trousers say they are teflon-coated doesn't mean that a 6 year old can't put his knee through them in less than 2 hours of wear.
10. You are now the world's expert on all subjects and all you say will be taken in, digested and generally repeated, whether you've made it up or not.